Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
