Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
