I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
