y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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