drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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