got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
