I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
