We're like a lot better than the average bears
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
