i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
operation have a gay friend backfired
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
