Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
