Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
