I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
