i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
is it fun? or sober?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
