I look better un-naked...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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