I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's like heaven, but drunker
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
