Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize