BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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