: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
