so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
