I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
