my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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