Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Randomize
