And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
