Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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