what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize