hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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