Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
