If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
