i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
