Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You took a bar mat shot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
