it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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