I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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