3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
