GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize