I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dignity is for republicans.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
