we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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