Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
