god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
