YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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