i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
