i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
