I need to stop coming to work sober
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
