If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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