you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
