I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
