did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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