you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
