He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
