Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
