Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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