Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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