'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
