My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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