Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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