Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
