That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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