I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
