i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
