i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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