Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
