So gin and wine won't be happening again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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