I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
