Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
BRING THE BAGELS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
