They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
