and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We need to get me chipped asap
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
